Monday, March 18, 2013

Want for What Was

This day's twist hit me by surprise. Hubby's usual outlook was skewed and he was unusually open, raw and sometimes tearful. The want for WHAT ONCE WAS - that is the emotion that saddened our sunny morning. Eighteen months ago he was struck with an unforeseen illness. Life is mostly normal now, but the looking back is hard not to do. We don't and shouldn't live constantly in that state as it will get us nowhere. The ramifications - difficulties in walking - are progressively being challenged as Hubby and his therapist continue searching for a regimen to aid his left side.

Walking. How often here in my "journal" have I spoken of that simple verb?  To walk ~ for me it's a task-exercise-pleasure-life line-necessity ! Walking once a simple, ordinary, automatic action and now for Hubby it is anything but simple. My heart breaks when he struggles. He marches on however!

On the anniversary, eighteen months ago of this turn of events in our life, we finished with the tears - we dressed, made plans with friends and we went for A WALK !!

Beautiful spot for a walk, huh? ^

Hubby on the downhill...  :-)

No fanfare. We never mentioned to others the mark that highlighted this date on our calendar and our hearts. There'd be no raising of glasses, as it would make our mindful state tangible - more of a reality than we would like. Almost as if this thing had a HOLD of a spot in our life. I for one cannot give it more space than it already has!

Afternoon picnicking and wine tasting made laughter the star of the day!

Should I still be holding that stemmed glass in my hand - I would like to nod my head your way, dear man, give you a smile and toast to you - my HUBBY!!  Sentiments so wistful for what was, but greater than those; wishes for the days ahead that the strength you've kept all the while, will hold you upright , sturdy and forward thinking. Hopeful still and always!

That light? .....                                             ->

The proverbial end of the tunnel - it's the good place we find ourselves at the close of each day !  Because we've found that the tunnel isn't all bad - it's just ... well, we've got more tunnels on our road than some.  I'd much rather travel the tunnel with you the rest of our days, than the alternative!


  1. beautiful tribute to your hubby's strength and tenacity, and to the love you share. I know it has not been an easy 'walk' for you to watch his struggles. I don't know what happened but I am sending good thoughts for terrific days ahead of you. My hubby was recently diagnosed with Parkinsons disease and so we 'walk' another type of walk but we will go there together and we will make it together. Thanks for sharing something so very personal and heartfelt.

  2. You both are AMAZING people, Shari, and blessed to have each other. What a beautiful tribute to Joey's obstacle. You just have a God-given talent to write so beautifully. I've missed my Abundant Picnic.