Friday, April 25, 2014

January 11th

It's come to down to this... the telling of what January will forever represent to me.  Possibly there will come a time that the start of a new year will mean what it does for most folks. It may hold promise and, like I said in this post {click here}...just imagine the possibilities a new year can present. Wonder how long it will take for me to imagine good possibilities?

We were with my brother & wife to finally get me up to speed with technology.  A smart phone was coming home with me on that day. Lessons needed to be given on oh so many applications and uses. So, off we went to brother's home for some lunch and tutoring. We thought ahead and invited our niece to lunch for her 30th birthday party planning. And, sometime in the early evening we left our small gathering of family - quite sated in food, learning, and the smugness of getting event details in writing.

January elevenths evening hours were cool.  There was quiet at home, as I sat on the couch bundled in my white chunky weave blanket, inspecting the new contraption; adding contacts and apps. While I'm writing this it feels as though there should be a drum roll, or an eerily piercing movie soundtrack playing.... well, because this is dramatic.  I tend toward the big punctuation!!!, the LARGE telling of a story with big emphasis toward the punch line. This particular story needs emphasis on the ending. I need to tell it, in all it's BIGNESS, because in my heart this day was as dramatic as they come. So then... here is where a song plays and I begin to cry...

My Dad is calling me - a sure sign that there is an emergency - he's not the one to phone, my Mom is the communicator. Words fly back and forth. I'm not certain that he is correct in his observations.. my brain won't let me believe that the sentence he's forcing upon me is certain. The one thought that I cling to is that my Mom is getting help, that those talented EMT's will get her to safety. "NO, Dad, it's okay, she'll be okay. I'm leaving right now. I'll be there as soon as I can."

By nightfall we're on our way through the dark to their place in the pines. That new technology a lifesaver in our car as we travel hours down freeways. Hubby texting, returning calls, speaking for me, reaching family who need to be told. My focus on the white lines, my hands heavily clutching the wheel - I yell intermittently in response to questions being thrown my way, as I am unable to hear all that is being said... and well, because I'm mad!

Anyone that has experienced hospital scenes with a loved one in an emergent situation knows precisely where I will take you next. Except, I won't take you there... far too personal!

We were all there, crammed in the tiny curtained room; she was no longer with us. All hopes dashed. In the early morning hours of January 12th the woman that gave me life, left her earthly one behind.

It feels as if I've only placed facts and time lines in this post. My emotions are strained... I haven't quite felt myself, and I'm running on energy from who-knows-where.  Possibly the energy will get me to the next phase of journaling about this life changing event....

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

An Ending and A New Beginning

This time traveling I'm doing gets exhausting. Attempting to keep memories in order, and true. Like, "I did do that, didn't I?"... We were laughing, happy and unknowingly keeping memories to heart, right? Jumbled, foggy thoughts are friends of mine lately. But, here? now? I can mostly keep track of time by the photos that I savor.

Back a few journal entries, I shared a family party that was held for my sister-in-law, nearly in lieu of Christmas - as the entire family was present that evening - and we were going separate ways for December 25th.

I went the email route for sending good tidings and embracing the coming New Year... memories of the abundant life I share with my Hubby ~

Traditional Christmas it WASN'T this year (similar to Thanksgiving). A portrait with Santa was about as traditional as we got - albeit this Santa was my brother-in-law.

Always and forever Christmas Eve is with Hubby's family.  Gift giving and opening takes on an entirely different  joy when there are children in the room. It makes me happy to have our nephew and his family grow to include two young ones. Our great nephew is like a bouncy ball that hops from plaything to not-so-plaything while smiling, laughing, and singing his ABC's. We don't share photos of these beautiful beings... unfortunately....

my kitchen in December

Brother #1 celebrated endured Christmas in Southern California, as his mother-in-law passed away. Brother #2 was content at home with his family for Christmas and had to work.
Brother #3was dutiful and kind sharing Christmas day with other family.
And, my parents were home, at their place in the woods. They made plans with friends for holiday dinner, yet my Mom was still not feeling well. That flu bug was hanging onto her.

Yes, quite separated we were and equally as nontraditional.

Off to the beach on a whim, because of the niceties from my Goat Hill boss...  Hubby & I would dig toes in the sand and watch sunsets for Christmas.

even the bird came along

Sunshine filled perfection!!

2013 coming to an end - we headed back home. A small celebratory evening with friends to welcome all that the beginning of a new year can mean... resolutions - maybe, dreams - surely, hope for a year of abundant joy and magnificent memory making ALWAYS! Isn't that the truth for each of us? That we have eternal hope each and every time the calendar reads January 1st? Life is all about the beauty of sunshine perfection, isn't it? Otherwise it would be hard to rise each morning. Who of us would sit and ponder dreadfulness? Not on my watch, anyway! Eternal optimist (mostly), that is me.

Let us celebrate a HAPPY New Year ~

art on our fridge for incoming 2014

Try as I might,  I cannot come up with a clear picture in my head of the first week in January. A lot of vague recollections. Checking my calendar, there are entries about the 3rd, 4th, 5th being spent in Los Angeles, and San Francisco at funerals. Deaths that needed to be acknowledged, loved ones that needed support.

Very soon after, acknowledgement, love and support would be needed to heal my heart. The art I chalked on the refrigerator said IMAGINE.... but, imagine what exactly? Thinking sunshine, I got rain...