Back in Time...

Time travel with me.  There was a brief little mention of Christmas once on December 23rd.... then when last I wrote, we were in more current time. Happy thoughts I intentionally put to paper, as I recall I mentioned. Instead of heading straight to some sad times. I'll head back to winter, now that I feel I can relive the harsh realities of life. It will take a couple of storylines to get to where I stand today, but progress is being made...


Quirky Thanksgiving plans, beach, crab and dinner (not made at home) was shared with my parents in their mountain home.

crab to bring to my parents for Thanksgiving



just the 4 of us - Hubby, me & my parents

 December jumped on the coat tail of fall, and the Christmas celebrating extravaganza was begun.  Joy is counted in pleasurable moments. A favorite tradition of mine is a Christmas party with girlfriends of some 35 years. That amazingly beautiful group of women from San Francisco whom I speak of now and again.Time with these gals is intentionally carved out and anticipated. It is a great jump-start to holiday events for reminiscing and ending another year.


For the second time, we chose the glorious, stately, historic Fairmont Hotel to stay for the night and stage an ornament exchange party. {25 years of ornaments makes quite a collection}...

Of all times to be ill!  While it doesn't seem so in the photo above ^ . I was coughing half my lung at this point. I even took the precaution of seeing my doctor prior to heading to San Francisco. Alas, ill I was, and even though prescription drugs were packed inside my satchel, the flu bug-du jour of the season, had struck. I had a great time though! Just on the return to regular life did I have a problem.

This winter, many folks seemed to have a harder than normal time with coughs, cold and the flu. I won't go all Center of Disease Control on you, but statistics were high! I ended up in the Emergency Room in order to breathe. Never before had I needed an asthma inhaler. An asthma patient to whom I'm closely related was to have an exceptionally hard time during December.... my Mom.

If I may, the time-travel-train is going to stop here. I've broached the subject that is coming...
With more days spread between me and the winter, spring is fluttering it's beauty in my face, and I look forward to the cathartic release of taking thoughts, spreading them on these pages, and releasing them to the breeze. More tales, trips, trial and tribulations soon....

A Chance Meeting

Coffee, with cream swirling, sits beside me on a petite, curvy legged French table. Words longing to be typed, and yet still hard to find are frothing forward onto this page. So very much has changed in the world, in my little corner of it, yet where does one begin? To skip forward to this day, and hope that by passing over the wintry months will mean that those days of difficulty are through - well, that isn't how it works. Is it?  One day soon, when the mood strikes, and my heart can take the dark wintry-ness, I will tell the tales ... of why I've not sat in this spot and poured my feelings all over these keys. For now, I'll go back in my mind and make this first journaling effort of months be conscientiously sweet and kind.

 I seek quiet, beauty and open space when it is time to be outdoors getting physical activity. I've mentioned here many times that I go to the hills near my home to walk. I may creep along trails beside a  stream, or parade uphill through posh neighborhood dwellings. When I get to town, it is beyond my control, there is a first stop of business and I peek inside the doors of a little re-sale shop.

Just past Christmas-time a visit was made to this shop, and a chance meeting was had - a sweet, life-altering (if only for a few minutes) moment between strangers. Quickly I eyed goods along the perimeter of the shop, while out in the center was a beautiful, young woman dressed all in black, with many garments in her arms. Speaking to the shop stewards, this lady was hoping to find opinions compatible to hers on which items she should, or should not buy. Giving a brief and personal history of what she was looking for - "I need something brightly colored and happy",  "I need a different out look", and I chimed in with... "maybe you're hoping to think out-of-the-box", Yes, indeed that was exactly what this beautiful stranger wanted. There were four women here on the floor of the store, each of us contributing our opinion. There, on the end of a garment rack was a skirt and jacket - THE ONE that our stranger wanted more than all of the insignificant, neutral colored items she was carrying. It had been spied, and while she was slightly shy about admitting it, mention was made that the item was a designer piece and thus had too high a price tag.

{not the actual jacket}


 

The three of us pleaded with her to go in the fitting room and try on the pieces, and each of us agreed that she would be spending her money wisely if she left the common neutral sweaters and instead got exactly what she was looking for. A fashion show was held, there in the little shop... the beautiful stranger smiled. The jacket fit her like a glove, and the vivid colors made her glow. Still, she stuck to her guns and said that at this time she could not let go of the cash this purchase would cost her.


Then, a more personal story slowly slipped from her lips, barely holding back tears, she removed the adorable knit cap from her head and shared her shining, and perfect, bald head. She was a cancer patient.  Still in the midst of treatment, yet she'd been told that very day that she was cancer free for now. She was surviving! Her reason for needing a good dose of color and something quite different from her norm.


With swiftness, as the jacket and skirt were removed in the fitting room, I spoke softly to the shop clerk and asked if her manager couldn't please reduced the price. "What a great idea", she sparkled! As I asked about the reduction, I also mentioned that if it were to be, then I would chip-in $25.00 towards the cost. Upon hearing me say this, then the clerk said she too would contribute. The third lady amongst us came forward and countered that she would like to do the same. But this woman was having hard times and said that she had a family member with cancer that she was trying to help. With sadness she opted out of helping here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With all on-board, and our secret quietly kept, the store clerk presented our stranger with the news of the offer. If she was wanting of the suit and able to come up with the remaining amount, it would be hers, with our help.  At first, she said no, that she could not take such a gift. I replied that it was my   Christmas money, and I could do with it as I wished. A way of paying it forward. Each of us was      

teary and smiling, and joyful - each of those emotions all at once.  All of these raw, personal feelings

while standing in a resale shop with strangers, who had become instant friends.

 

 

Strange indeed! Perfect too!!        

 

 

Her name was Marie.  I envision her wearing her colorful gift and doing more than surviving... I see her living life very fully, and most definitely standing out -

                                                       OUT OF THE BOX!                                                                

 

 

{just as she had wished}

 

Never

Can you imagine having to ask someone  ~  will you forget me? Probably one of the worst thoughts I can conjure. To believe that my life and the place I've made for myself in this universe will no longer have meaning to someone - meaning enough, anyway, that you are thought of and remembered.

Yes, my friend, this is written with you in mind. I know that you come to my place here on this page and read my thoughts from time to time. Circumstances leave you with only periodic abilities to check on my musings. But, I do know that you will sometime again....

She has asked me this thought ~ "will you forget me?" in question form and in statement. With a quivering voice and a hard to miss pleading she has also stated that she will be forgotten; lost to the years of not belonging. It makes me quiver - a repulsive thought, that I'd rather strangle.


If only I could send you bouquets of fluffy white each week. You would see that you are thought of in the beauty of my garden. Where would I send them? Where would that address be that your body & soul should reside in comfort and peace for more than weeks at a time? Never ending uprooting - that is how I see your last four years. Your soul cannot possibly light as your body has put restrictions upon it and each time your spirit breathes a sigh... "ahhh , I am home and resting in wellness".. then your traitor of a body flings the next unforgivable act at you.

If words could do as a gift of remembrance.. then that is what I do here, albeit only very few times have I spoken about your suffering. Instead my words come by way of a telephone line - but your rootlessness can put stumbling blocks on this also. The numbers for you have collected on scraps of paper strewn near my computer, near to the telie, even written in erasable pencil unto our address book. Many numbers that often go unanswered when phoned.

Surely in your mind, that group of vibrant, loving, raucous, delightful women that you've shared the highlights of your life with - have moved on. You would be mistaken to think such! Continuing on with life is far different from leaving the past behind never to be thought about, or spoken of again. The extremeness of your life and health of your body has changed many things - it has NOT, and will never make anyone FORGET about you.

Want for What Was

This day's twist hit me by surprise. Hubby's usual outlook was skewed and he was unusually open, raw and sometimes tearful. The want for WHAT ONCE WAS - that is the emotion that saddened our sunny morning. Eighteen months ago he was struck with an unforeseen illness. Life is mostly normal now, but the looking back is hard not to do. We don't and shouldn't live constantly in that state as it will get us nowhere. The ramifications - difficulties in walking - are progressively being challenged as Hubby and his therapist continue searching for a regimen to aid his left side.

Walking. How often here in my "journal" have I spoken of that simple verb?  To walk ~ for me it's a task-exercise-pleasure-life line-necessity ! Walking once a simple, ordinary, automatic action and now for Hubby it is anything but simple. My heart breaks when he struggles. He marches on however!


On the anniversary, eighteen months ago of this turn of events in our life, we finished with the tears - we dressed, made plans with friends and we went for A WALK !!

Beautiful spot for a walk, huh? ^

Hubby on the downhill...  :-)

No fanfare. We never mentioned to others the mark that highlighted this date on our calendar and our hearts. There'd be no raising of glasses, as it would make our mindful state tangible - more of a reality than we would like. Almost as if this thing had a HOLD of a spot in our life. I for one cannot give it more space than it already has!

Afternoon picnicking and wine tasting made laughter the star of the day!

Should I still be holding that stemmed glass in my hand - I would like to nod my head your way, dear man, give you a smile and toast to you - my HUBBY!!  Sentiments so wistful for what was, but greater than those; wishes for the days ahead that the strength you've kept all the while, will hold you upright , sturdy and forward thinking. Hopeful still and always!


That light? .....                                             ->

The proverbial end of the tunnel - it's the good place we find ourselves at the close of each day !  Because we've found that the tunnel isn't all bad - it's just ... well, we've got more tunnels on our road than some.  I'd much rather travel the tunnel with you the rest of our days, than the alternative!

Life and Challenges

For a dear friend...

It shines - through fog for some - and brilliantly for others. Wishing that the SUN. ME. ANYTHING.
Can bring you warmth and envelope you.

*                         *                               *

I'm no longer a part of her daily dialogue. The weeks and months of this new life have catapulted into years. And still she lingers.. hovering between two lives. Her new friends are strange(ers) to me. The mix of them able to find camaraderie in their sameness. She resides in homes that are like foreign lands.

Sweet friend - you are stronger than ever. Still pressing on. Even when you probably should not be! Your family with that same fate - EVER HOPEFUL! In my estimation they must be holding by a thread. Thread as thin as embroidery floss.


Rosary bead contraband. Those three words - made me smile. Made no sense. Made us laugh. You uttered them on a very late night phone call.  At least there is still humor.

I wish for much more than humor....  for YOU, more than anything!

Simplicity

Downtime

Seeking quite amidst brewing storms

Comfort

Pleasure

Simplicity


Today began with difficult emotional topics - ALL WILL BE WELL, though! In order to counteract the sadness and hardships, we'll balance with simple pleasures and joy...

Christmas is on the horizon.  What started months ago as bulbs stashed away in the back of the refrigerator, are now sprouts of green sitting face-to-face with the sun - in myriad of vessels - delighting me with their intention of becoming the gorgeous, fragrant blooms of Narcissus. I smile!

The Never-ending Subject

Given three choices.. what do you think the likelihood of ocean/beaches as my topic would be?
Hoping that my entire blog isn't just one big tangle of spindrift swirl! I do realize how very often I speak of the beach. Living near to the ocean is a happy place to be!



At Halloween, I was at my brother's home caring for his dogs. This home is even closer yet to the coast. How nice to walk at the beach. Even nicer yet to have an evening where I supped and was still able to drive home after a margarita!

Foggy morns and eves while I was in town. The greyness did not deter, though!

Ah, yes - the margarita and the evening I sat lagoon-side for an hour or so. Quiet, calm, reflective!

Some reflecting on my father-in-law who had now been placed in a skilled nursing facility to gain strength and continue IV treatment. Hoping for progression - ASAP!




Wouldn't this night scene call for contemplation and calm? It called me to...

At first glance, this shot made me think of cold, lonely - away from society...

Then I thought... how about solitary, yet upright and sturdy! Gaining ground.. getting a foothold and surrounding oneself {see the trees}...


Hmmmm - maybe this is NOT the same "never ending subject" of the beach that I usually do...{not all sunshine and beachballs kind of beach}



This image...  walking a path, above turbulent waters. Bridging. A means to get from one place to another...  with just the hint of sunshine on the horizon!

I guess I'm bridging this post and the beach images of that week to the ongoing issues with Pops {my FIL}...   He will get there. He has many people rooting for him and his return to his own home!


He is on the right path..

 Sitting it out, and waiting - observing!  Ever watchful for any movement or change in the surroundings.. {just like a hawk}

Soon he will soar!

Pops has a favorite bench at the beach. When he is able, maybe we'll take him to sit in that special spot... and all will be well again!  {cue that sun!}

Wonky Wonderland

Where've I been?? A week has passed. Boy, have my hours been filled! Much good, and well....

Life in wonky world is still alive and well wreaking havoc in our cottage. Hubby and I are rollin' with it. We try anyway. Hope and sunshine are just sort of our way. Not that we don't have moments of the rabbit hole (dark world). If only I could make a Tim Burton-ish video, or draw a crazy Tim Burton-type character {of myself} to insert in my post.... here   ->

Okay odd kins.. show your stuff

Tim Burton sketches found on Internet

This one is scary-dark-world...

So, maybe posting Wonky Wonderland drawings isn't my style.. and they really do NOT represent the feelings I thought they would. Nope, I'm just too sunshiny for them...
Life just has teeter-tottery high-lows. That's just how it is. Don't know why I've been feeling it so much more in the past year {well, maybe I do know why}. Everyone has their dramas, their family stories, their health and aging setbacks, and we in this cottage are no different.


This seems as much a rant as I've ever written. Maybe that dark place is looming 'round the edges of my heart. Quite possibly it's inky-ness seeps in now and again, but I cannot allow it space. I'm choosing to stay white and yellow... dreamy and sunshine.

Gossamer draperies opening to sparkles upon the water... that's what I want to be...

Color that makes my heart smile.. that's what I want to focus on...

Polka dots, cool Fall air, flowers, crunchy baguettes... any tiny item that means to me  -

HAPPINESS!!

It is a choice to find these things each and every day

Going to search the sand, waves and azure skies for happiness this weekend. Luckily we can hop in the car and go on a mini-trip... that simple sentence nearly had a different sound 24 hours ago. Luckily the most recent family stories have a good ending.   Waiting for ~

HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

Healthy Dose Of Unhealthy

Not the action packed day that I was thinking of when I said I needed to add a bit of activity to my life. Kinda funny/sad when I've decided to photograph and journal about this ~

A box of Psycho Donuts found it's way into my kitchen. What's Psycho Donuts, you say? errrmm, well.... hard to explain really. Psycho is a unique bakery that concocts creative bakery items. Strangely named, and containing even weirder ingredients. Pretty fun place to check out. Guess it  really does add a new sparkly twist to the grey days of "rut" I'm pouting about.

Exhibit A : above ^ is of the seasonal variety. One of Santa's reindeer, in jelly-filled donut form. Seems to be Rudolph by the looks of it! Cute, huh? Raspberry schnoz and all! He's named Grandma's Revenge...

Exhibit B: below : This guy is called Comfortably Numb ~

Healthy this, and healthy that, and walking to and fro.... nearly daily comments from me on these two subjects. And now here I am posting about fried dough!!  GEESH!!

The silliness of these breakfast pastries is, though, a huge dose of healthy FUN! Perfect way to start the day!

Sorry that I forgot to get a portrait of the Dead Elvis....
Just for fun look at these additional menu items ~

Psycho Passionata

Crazy Face

He’s got the cutest little Crazy Face!

He’s a raised donut with maple

glaze; topped with custard-filled

donut hole eyes and nose.

Kooky Monster

This Psycho favorite is topped with

crushed Oreo® cookies

Spare Tire

It may look like a spare tire, but this

chocolate-spiked raised donut is a

smooth and tasty ride!

Rocky Road

This crazy road is the Highway to Hell.

Chocolate cake donut, chocolate

icing, peanuts and mini

marshmallows!

The Jasonut

Jason is coming for you! Buy him for

the chocolate raised dough. Fear

him for the bloody raspberry filling

and powdered sugar hockey mask!

Headbanger

Death metal knocked this guy off

his rocker! If raspberry jelly filling

gives you a head rush, he's your

head trauma man!

Apricotology

Vee haf looked deep into zee

science uf zee donut-crazed mind,

und determined apricots vill make

anyone ah glazed fritter fanatic!

THE Michael Jackson

Chocolate cake donut covered in

powder sugar. Take it home to the

kids . . . but don't let it sleep over!

Comfortably Numb

Sit back & relax . . . 'cuz you don't

have any other choice. Find your

inner chocolate in this filled chillaxin'

dude.

Crunch Hunch

If you fantasize about a chocolate

threesome, we got a hunch you'll be

infatuated with this menage! Nestle

Crunch, chocolate icing on a chocolate

cake donut!

Bananarama

Our customers get all Gilligan over

this one. Custard-filled with

chocolate & freeze-dried bananas, it

will take you to your island happy

place.

Color My World Two?

Walking in fog and grey on some days...
 In sun and color on others ~

Apparently a large percentage of activity in my life of late revolves around walking. Nearly all of my posts are on that subject. Guess I gotta get a life, or a change of scenery, or something! arrrghh
Seriously though, Hubby continues to improve and possibly the "tortoise and the hare" will part ways on their race. The hare will pick up the pace, add a couple of miles and a few extra days. That's a dream I've been having. I plan on making it come true real soon!


Loving the COLOR in the world... just need a bit more of it!

A Fable

Quick and light storyline tonight ~

Still walking, nearly daily. Oh so pretty ~

our tennies buried beneath the leaves

Remember the tortoise and the hare?

The hare needs to be quickening her pace on these walks ~

Walking with Hubby is not doing me  her the hare any favors.  :-)

The tortoise only has the stamina and energy to maintain a specific pace. Hare on the other hand has been lallygagging a bit too much. She used to keep a brisk pace. She used to cover hilly terrain with little exertion. She used to have a smaller behind!

At the current slow pace, lovely photos are taken and conversation with Tortoise are possible. Yet Hare is losing the race. A race of time and the goal of a healthier lifestyle.

The lesson to be learned from this fable is : slow and steady relates to winning of the race -

NOT TO BE MISTAKEN FOR,  SLOW (walking) AND STEADY (eating)  MEAN INCREASE IN GIRTH!

I've got this nagging feeling that I'll be one of the millions with a New Years resolution that begins with DIET, and ends with exercise!!