What Becomes of Life Now?

 

 

 

As it seems that I have done for the last few months, I'm replaying history - like the movie plot that gets us all confused and bewildered, wondering if this scene is in the present tense, or rather a piece of memory? Each time I've written since January (aside from the gardening posts),  I am sending readers back into time. I recently posted a very sad, still fresh, harsh reality - my mother no longer exists.

poem read at her Celebration of Life

What now? Is there a certain way to live ... sans mother... a tried and true method that will help me to plod through all of this? I was given a gift of 55 years loved by a woman that was but a child herself when I was born. She loved me with every piece of her soul - she was more than happy to express her unbridled affection for me - her only daughter. Her lovingly exclaimed ~ "MY GIRL"
a frequent nickname for me.

Surprised at myself, quite honestly, that there is not horrible, wrecked, visible emotion at every turn. I have always been quick to cry, palpably emotional, touched and teary by even the merest of incidents. Yet, it feels to me that I am .... holding onto something? holding back? holding on for dear life? waiting for the other shoe to drop? For the life of me I cannot figure it out.

There is still the other 50% that makes me whole, to think about - my Dad. That man, so strong - and sturdy too, at most times. He had a break in his solidness just after my Mom's passing. He really got sick and it was quite difficult to watch. We hardly knew what to do for him. Off we were to emergency rooms (again, uugghhh) and doctors. He came through and has delighted each of us - his children - with his complete willingness to accept all of the "newness" of this lousy situation.

Many weeks at the beginning months of this year were spent with me traveling back and forth to his home in the pines, and living out a week here, a week there. My brothers playing back-up on weekends doing their faithful & loving duties.

Thus is my slice of abundance for the time being. So much of the time with my Dad a pleasure. Time that frankly was not often spent previously; alone with just him. As Mom and I would scoot off to browse antique shops and lunch, and be girls together - taking up most of the precious moments we spent, just we two.  Not that he much minded... we still had loads of family time with the whole crew!

Lo and behold, amidst the sadness and traveling there was fun and beauty also. I took brief moments here and there to truck off with my camera, possibly with Dad's dog, sometimes with heaviness in my heart, and other times with joy at the simplest of things. I took many a backroad and country lane, once in snow and oft alone. There were jaunts with Dad to places that mattered to us - a part of our family's past - to the town where he was born, a place I left my heart many, many years ago. We had visits with his only living sister and lunch at a funky diner with his great-niece!

There is still abundant joy to be had - in spite of the life we now have....
The abundance not always in the form I would love....

My History

As I was saying.....

I do realize that I mentioned something about posting again "tomorrow" and now it's been 4 days - give or take! I was taking a road trip along the coast and going back in time to the lumber industry of California {click on CA}.  A quick reference was made to my family lore in that same lumber history.

Two stories are rehashed over time and again. My family adores the silliness of one story, and it goes as thus... {pay no attention to the over dramatization}  :-)

Some fifty-odd years ago, there was a very young woman and her husband living in the dusty, perched-along-the-highway, valley town of Willows. Expectant of their very first child. Sweetly inexperienced in the way that a 1950's Doris Day film portrays the era.  Life was simple.  Money from lumber jacking just enough.

In the early spring they welcomed a daughter... arriving, yes in a hospital, possibly though a facility whose office staff had just the basics of a K-8 education. Or, might it be the schooling of the young parents that comes into question?  You see, when time came to complete the newborns birth certificate, someone somewhere - in either the registry or labor & delivery - made a grievously hilarious mistake.

On the birth certificate of baby girl, Shari, it is forever noted that her Father's occupation is, as shown below....

OCCUPATION:  HOOKER !!

Oh yeah! Forever typed onto an important U.S. citizen document... a part of my history!
And, here again....

My father is quick to point out that a "hooker" was just one title for a specific job when he was a lumberjack.


Blurring the full image I mistakenly deleted another fun fact. The personnel in question also noted that my father was : Mexic-ian.

Awww, Dad... what did they do to ya??  hhhaa  No matter what my legal documents say... you are perfectly fine just the way you are!

When Last I Bought A Cup of Calm...{ huh??}

'Twas morning...

I drank tea from my CUP ... {oh, you know the drill! - Instagram photo-a-day}... see below ~

Oops... wait a minute, that's not me!  ^ That's no CUP, that's a bucket!... and I'm not nearly as furry either.. {well, except for my chin at this age}... hhhaaa

Ah, yes - here we go ~

Back to the storyline... 'twas morn, and time to be gathering goodies - packing the car; to have another family assembly at one of the Bros homes for our Dad's Birthday. The parents were in town.

My delegated duty for BBQ Birthday was appetizers.  Easier said than done when you have folks that equate appetizers with onion dip and ruffled chips. Then others that are vegetarian. Some that don't find "rabbit food" appealing. YIKES!! Almost can't go wrong with cheese though. Hubby & I are fromage-fiends from way back. We seek out cheese establishments on trips, we browse deli cheese aisles at the drop of a hat. Switzerland to France, Tomales Bay to Puget Sound - we've bought queso!
Today is no different ...THE LAST THING I BOUGHT  {Instagram again}

Goat Feta Cheese from the farmers market in town. Absolutely scrumptious!! Dang! gotta share - bringing it for appetizers. It was a hit served with toasted Kalamata olive bread, and homegrown freshly sliced tomato.

A toast to my Dad. That man that fought so hard exactly one year ago. He has hit the amazing marker of EIGHTY TWO YEARS! So remarkable - both he and his age...

That was our Sunday.

Today is CALM!

and today is July 30th... one more day of Photo-a-day July....

I've Got Sunshine...

Sunshine in a photograph.What would that look like to you? How does that subject translate to a single moment? ...

golden and heartwarming ^... and also this ->

Bright, straight-up glowing!

Who doesn't love a bit o'sunshine on a road trip???

Blurry, blurry Mr. Instagram! Photo-a-day asked for a road-trip though. Not my best photographic contribution to the blog.

Speaking of road trips - I probably haven't mentioned lately that I'm still writing on another blog. That blog is Goat Hill Fair.The road trip I mentioned there is about heading to the beach. Offering up all sorts of divergences... yes, even into the woods. Cruise a road less traveled on your way to the Moss Landing Antique event. I've been - and may plan a Sunday drive for this weekend again.

Dad's 82nd Birthday is Monday. A small, thankful celebration will mark his day on this Saturday. If we take along some sleeping equipment, I could wake up bright and early with the SUNSHINE
and be at the first Moss Landing booth in a matter of minutes! Busy weekend - road trips, celebrations and antiques - OH MY!!  {and don't forget Olympics too!}

Have a good one!!

Plentiful, bountiful, ABUNDANT..

Oh, my yes, Summer has courted and it's a full-on engagement!  Heat that makes the soil bake, causing hydrangeas to plead for mercy, yet inducing a blush on the plums. The tomatoes have raised their greenery up and out of their cages and are yelling for more Vitamin D !

Our plum trees are laden. Unfortunately too much so. As in the past when I have spoken of these beauties, we are rotten stewards of our crops and with all that kept us busy in this past year, the pruning tasks were left undone. We may see split, twisted wreckage again this year.  Right now though, our mini orchard of 2 vintage Santa Rosa plums look magnificent.... come see {click}

My Dad, and Hubby's Pops {as I call him} were abundantly plied with love today. Father's Day. A time to be sure and send, give, express our love for those men that worked so very hard to give us a roof over our heads, food to eat and support in many forms. I was unable to see my Dad, but I hope he knows how very much I think of him!

My Dad is and would be so proud to see my little garden haven. He does love it when he visits.... and mentions it often. Dad look at this view from tonight!!  ->

This little bird seems to be crowing his tale to anyone that'll listen.... I'm probably sounding that way myself! Yelling it to the world ~ I am ABUNDANTLY wealthy in the love I am surrounded with {here's to you Dad & Pops} and in the beauty I reap in this little city-wanna-be-farm garden that I host!

Loving every piece of curved brick path, mellow hazy sunset through walnut boughs, chickens milling {and tilling} about, picnics and reading in summer breezes.... ahhhhhhh


Don't think I wouldn't dare... have to add this song, when speaking of summer winds...
press the arrow and enjoy! Then head outside and find yourself a piece-of-summer-pie-picnic!

This post linked to Romantic Home...
** and I did a repost/re-link to Romantic Home as this is Father's Day weekend (of the next year)

Going Home on September 11th

Undoubtedly it was best that I was busy yesterday. Had I spent much time in the house I probably would have been a sad and reflective gal unable to accomplish much. For when I did stop to rest and lift my feet, then everywhere I turned sad and emotional images crossed my path.

September 11, 2011. Ten year anniversary of the horrific terrorist attack on our country. Yes, I knew what day it was - ALL DAY. I chose not to dwell. Yet in the eve my eyes couldn't help be glued to the newspaper, then the television (briefly), and the Internet also. Somehow those memories and glimpses of the past became intermingled with my most recent shattering experience - the near death of my father.

My father's health and 9/11 have little to do with one another. Just awful times and hard to manage feelings. However, my father is improved! He has overcome great odds! Pops is somewhat rehabilitated. The singular exception to Sept.11th and my Dad's noncommonality is that - he is no longer confined to a hospital - he went home!

Ghostly lit towers, newly running waterfalls, memorials of granite....
What I have is this ...  >

An empty wheelchair. May my father's legs be able to take him where he wishes to go.... that's the prayer that I've sent up! I am fortunate to have all my dreams, prayers, wishes come true. Oh so many families cannot say the same about September 11th. For them, I have tears.

I'm Walkin', Yes Indeed....

With a schedule that is out of sorts, walking has gone the way of the slippery slope. I've slid downhill all the way to nearly stopped. Woke up to a cool, breezy morn and said to myself - "SELF you've gotta climb that mountain!"... and, so I did ~

What it really came down to is me thinking about my Dad. He's not walking right now. He's unable. The effort that he is putting forth every day must be incredibly tiring. Such an awful thought - to lose the ability to use one's legs! Well, I've got mine and I am able. So, with that, Dad I will walk for you. What a splendid walk it was too. Views, vistas, color, fog, breezes and sun all wrapped into one two hour, couple mile journey....

an eddy of crepe myrtle blossoms

The gutters were filled with bright colored spent blossoms, circling in the wind....
I played hide-n-seek with a turtle...

 Views of the heavens. I've missed this..

Meadows of wildflowers...

Bees humming....

and a strangely spiritual  end to the uphill climb....>

Look very closely. Do you see the two fairies on the main lower branch? There were others on the ground too. What a peculiar thing to find hiding along the trail amidst the manzanita.

An omen??  A blessing?

Music To Soothe The Soul

Never woulda thought that I'd be attending music concerts during such a traumatic time in my life. Who knew, huh? Our attendance at no less than three venues (in 4 days) must be evidence that melodies can charm their way right into your psyche and bring you to another world - away from that REAL one - where I just may want to stay.

A new friend called with free tickets to see this chick >

I had no idea who Aimee Mann was. Here you see she's done music for movies. There are other movie pieces that I found on You Tube too. This tall, slender singer really BROUGHT IT! never imagined that I'd be entranced. I was. Aimee could talk up the audience, spin a yarn; oh, what funny tales she told. Her language could be  foul, yet she wasn't rough - it made everyone chuckle. The show was simple and clean. I'd go again. Of course, I'd love for it to be free again, too!

Even sipped a glass  paper Dixie cup of wine!! Does that make wine taste better or worse?

While I was completely absorbed during the concert, there were still moments of reflection - where all of a sudden I was switching to Dad and his circumstances. Any sad note, or whiny inflection made me suddenly aware that I was not THERE. There near my parent's home. Visiting daily and sadly roaming hallways again.
It's time to go back and stay with my Mom.....   the tug of my heart; there's no soothing that!

Much Needed "Rhubarb Pie"

Those lemon filled days still surround us. At times we've made gallons of lemonade (figuratively) hoping to add enough sugar to that sour and bitter taste. Periodic smiles, nightly cool downs in the pool, and home cooked meals are the best we can manage for normalcy.

Ever thankful that my Dad has continued progression to good health, yet I am caught off guard at the frequency in which my eyes are tear filled. I'm leery of phone conversations with anyone other than family. I suppose I am running, escaping and denying.

Doing all that I can to pretend that life is picnic-like....

I picked sun-warmed wild berries on my walk in the mountains today....

If only to climb up in this tree house and take a little nap....... ahhhhhhhh (isn't that the cutest gnome-like place?)


Found beautiful blooms ~

Spied a possible start to Autumn ~

I've gotten my fill of piece-of-mind pie. I will soon head back to the ring where Dad is in the (hopefully) final round.  His robe is on already. Next will be that winner's belt..... I'm sure as anything that the decision for his corner will be Heavyweight Champion.  When all is said and done we will toast with sweet, bubbly champagne and not a glass of lemonade.