What Becomes of Life Now?

 

 

 

As it seems that I have done for the last few months, I'm replaying history - like the movie plot that gets us all confused and bewildered, wondering if this scene is in the present tense, or rather a piece of memory? Each time I've written since January (aside from the gardening posts),  I am sending readers back into time. I recently posted a very sad, still fresh, harsh reality - my mother no longer exists.

poem read at her Celebration of Life

What now? Is there a certain way to live ... sans mother... a tried and true method that will help me to plod through all of this? I was given a gift of 55 years loved by a woman that was but a child herself when I was born. She loved me with every piece of her soul - she was more than happy to express her unbridled affection for me - her only daughter. Her lovingly exclaimed ~ "MY GIRL"
a frequent nickname for me.

Surprised at myself, quite honestly, that there is not horrible, wrecked, visible emotion at every turn. I have always been quick to cry, palpably emotional, touched and teary by even the merest of incidents. Yet, it feels to me that I am .... holding onto something? holding back? holding on for dear life? waiting for the other shoe to drop? For the life of me I cannot figure it out.

There is still the other 50% that makes me whole, to think about - my Dad. That man, so strong - and sturdy too, at most times. He had a break in his solidness just after my Mom's passing. He really got sick and it was quite difficult to watch. We hardly knew what to do for him. Off we were to emergency rooms (again, uugghhh) and doctors. He came through and has delighted each of us - his children - with his complete willingness to accept all of the "newness" of this lousy situation.

Many weeks at the beginning months of this year were spent with me traveling back and forth to his home in the pines, and living out a week here, a week there. My brothers playing back-up on weekends doing their faithful & loving duties.

Thus is my slice of abundance for the time being. So much of the time with my Dad a pleasure. Time that frankly was not often spent previously; alone with just him. As Mom and I would scoot off to browse antique shops and lunch, and be girls together - taking up most of the precious moments we spent, just we two.  Not that he much minded... we still had loads of family time with the whole crew!

Lo and behold, amidst the sadness and traveling there was fun and beauty also. I took brief moments here and there to truck off with my camera, possibly with Dad's dog, sometimes with heaviness in my heart, and other times with joy at the simplest of things. I took many a backroad and country lane, once in snow and oft alone. There were jaunts with Dad to places that mattered to us - a part of our family's past - to the town where he was born, a place I left my heart many, many years ago. We had visits with his only living sister and lunch at a funky diner with his great-niece!

There is still abundant joy to be had - in spite of the life we now have....
The abundance not always in the form I would love....

Japan and Scaramouche

Envision - an Italian restaurant, realistic decor and all - sitting in Kyoto, Japan. There is such a place. It's the new vision of Hubby's cousin. Our hopes are to visit sometime... we'll see how far we get!!


Creating an email and photo card to send to Japan, I sifted through some ephemera and souvenirs from our trips to Italy. Hoping to find something to gift to the entrepreneur. I've come up with a photo of a mask that was bought on a dark, rainy night in Venice. We purchased a Scaramouch - black with a long narrow nose, and a Bauta mask - white with a thick, protruding upper lip.


Here is mine ~

Scaramouch, I love you so!!... The nose is so long that its tip was broken off at a party - oh, so long ago!!

Here now is Bauta ~

Hoping that our cousin's fun combination of Japanese palates and Italian food takes hold. Most of all I'd like to have my mouth savor his cooking, and mine eyes tour the beauty of his adopted country!

Way to go, Rick!! Thinking of you and sending love and blessings...

A Wednesday Two Weeks Later...

Mid-week; chickens cackling in the backyard. The windows are open to the fresh air. I know why the caged bird sings...   {just using that quote that I do love} - Yet, I do know why they're singing...
IT IS GORGEOUSLY SUNNY!! Me, the chicks, my neighbors, every little creature - out and alive!

early morning shadows from my perch

Time spent ridding our home of excess isn't particularly the way I see myself whiling away the brief hours of sunshine. Yet, here I am. I've been enjoying this chore. Bags of clothing tossed aside for a trip to the resale. Furniture dusted and moved to new corners. Happy vignettes of never displayed goodies swapping spots with the old & tired. Rather pleasing. Surely have days and weeks more work to go. Maybe not during such lovely non-wintry daylight.

On a post-rainy day of recent, we did take a road trip through the redwoods, and out into the tiny town of Pescadero. A perfect afternoon with mustard fields, goats, cheese tasting and ocean.

Harley Farms sits in a field with a barn over there, and a couple of out-buildings here, and the milking parlour near to the goat paddock. We tasted cheese, but also some warm and succulent butternut squash & jalapeno soup. At the tippy-top of the barn is this room shown above ^. Here, the farm hosts a once per month field-to-table dinner. Along with the charming goats, lovely scenery and smiling face of the shop tendress, there is also a furniture maker. Sad to report, we were unable to meet this chap. His nickname is Three Finger Bob. Sounds like there must be a story to be told... don't ya think?


Bring on the warm California sun!

Hawaii's Call

Beach lover. That is me. The Hawaiian Islands call out... "come and see my beauty". Animals and plants of Kauai - strut your stuff!!  ->

Really... 
Go right ahead, Kauai - strut like a peacock! You've got the right... your shores contain some of the most colorful, outrageous, unique creatures the world has ever seen! {in my humble opinion}

Oh, The Sights...

Our caravan of six - stuffed into a brand new mini-van - hit the lone highway that rims the edge of the Island of Kauai. When you rarely get to a specific destination it seems sacrilegious to forgo the sightseeing and touring of said place. We just HAD TO. We saw valleys of green, lush foliage, seas roiling with white spindrift, red dirt canyons and the acreage of a bird sanctuary-garden that became a night of eating and entertainment....

Taro fields ~

Our neighboring pool was luxurious ~

Our day to Waimea Canyon was nearly a bust.. as there was so much vlog (volcanic fog) and clouds that the view deep down into the volcano was instead a sky of white mist ~

but, clear - it did!

As we sat parked waiting for the weather to cooperate, my Dad was skillfully bargain shopping with a man that sat on the grass with his wares all around him. What a cheerful, haoli man he was. This guy made jewelry from all sorts of seeds and pods off the local trees. Sweetly, Dad purchased all of his "girls" a piece of jewelry. I'll remember it forever.

Bamboo forests of posts over 20 feet in height.... this image does not do it justice. What a wild walk on this morning - through a hurricane destroyed resort - with the forest creeping in on the foundations and roads....

The leaves of this tree bearing the names of loves ~

Encounters with numerous locals rendered stories of unusual temps and wave action. Hanalei Bay is known for its calmness. While we visited a few of the days had us hiking out just to see the wild surf and high waves ~

look at the size and curl of this wave ~

Supremely lush, unique and a tropical Eden... I realize just how many scenery images I shot! This post is very photo-heavy. So, I'll either share captured scenery again.. or maybe even get into my personal stash of family pictures and add them next time. While I do at times attach a photo of myself, maybe Hubby too ... but not often do I do a spread on many of my loved ones. Possibly now I will! They're a good lot - that family of mine - I'm sure they won't mind (seeing as this blog is not a big read in the Internet world).  hhhaa